I had the opportunity with some other CRC members to attend a Group Life Conference in October that was full of great speakers like Henry Cloud (author of Boundaries) and great advice and teaching for small group leaders everywhere.  I wanted to share some of those ideas, as I think they could be very helpful for our own life groups at CRC.

What do our groups need?

  1. Safety
    • People feel safe in a group when they know what the rules of the group are.  Are we confidential?  Are we confrontational? 
    • Safety comes from helping one another
    • Safety is produced by modeling (by the leader and others)
    • Establish group norms – because a group will then enforce its norms
  2. Prayer
    • In doubt about what to say next or how to handle something that comes up in your group? Stop and pray!  Prayer is never a bad thing in a group.
    • Pray about where God would take your group, and for each individual in your group.
    • Spend time as a group praying for one anothers direct needs – job, health, finances, etc.
  3. Community
    • Community is messy, but God writes His story in the mess.  With messes, we have to wade into it and figure out how the mess can be converted into healthy product (the speaker used the illustration of a pig farm, that I wont elaborate on!)
    • Mess can be a catalyst for transformation.
    • There are 3 types of messes – Sin mess (between you and God), Relational mess (when life touches life, conflict between people), and Life mess (just what happens to people in their lives).
    • As group leaders, we dont want to be inspectors, who point out all the problems or issues in a group.  We want to be engineers, who look for solutions.

So how do you deal with messes in your groups?

  1. When mess happens, acknowledge the mess.  Don’t ignore it.
  2. Identify the kind of mess (from the 3 kinds above).
  3. Have the right perspective on the mess (is it a mess, or a masterpiece?) (Is it a catalyst for growth, or a by-product of growth?)
  4. Talk to the right people – have professionals who can help you if the mess gets out of hand (pastors, counselors)
  5. Communicate a Biblical goal (how can God get the glory from this mess?)
  6. Know that resolution takes time – fight for community and commit to it!

Remember that Jesus called us to “make” disciples, not “find” them.  That means it’s hard work!  It’s not always rosy, and it’s not always easy to be in community with other flawed people.  But it is what we are commanded to do, and relationships are the only things (besides Christ) that will continue on with us into eternity!